It’s Called “Shit Canned Central” – and You’re Invited
It’s recently come to our attention at PWS that some people think they can party better than us. While SJ and I shared a serious chuckle over these claims, I would like to take a moment to pointedly address these fairly serious allegations: quite simply, they’re not true. No one - and I mean no one – parties harder or better or more often than us. You hear that? No one. Do you know anyone else who lies on a buffet table inebriated at company parties (especially ones that aren’t theirs)? Nope. Didn’t think so. What about throwing a glass against a brick wall because she dared herself? Yeah – and you call yourselves “cool”. Losers.
As such, to dispel these frankly disgusting rumors once and for all , SJ and I have decided to host our own soiree and you, PWS readers far and wide, are invited. Just to whet your appetite, we’ve included a party agenda below. Feel free to tell us what you think – but I don’t think there’s anyway you’re NOT showing up to this gig. And if you don’t, well that’s your loss, because I’ve already cracked open the Bacardi Breezers at La Quinta (free valet parking, bitches - Ask yourself, why wouldn't I throw a party there?) and am doing the running man as I type.
PWS PARTY AGENDA
Attire: Black-Tie or Sans Pants (you will not be allowed in if you do not adhere to the strict dress code).
Entertainment: CK and SJ Dance Troupe – “The PWS Twinkle Toes”: Dancing enigmas, CK and SJ, will take the stage to a medley of Tina Turner, Steely Dan and Journey in an interpretive dance complete with fringe jackets and leg-warmers.
Grand Finale: Magic Show! SJ will release 72 doves into the air and CK will levitate off the ground in her white Elvis jumpsuit to Meatload’s “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That). THEN, we’ll cut an audience member in half but we won’t put them back together again because we’ll be too drunk.
See you there! Honk honk!