pastywhitesugar

2008-02-27T17:03:00.000-08:00

Turning a new leaf: Watch how it's done (you idiot)

In case you haven't noticed, Grandpa, it's 2008. The year of the rat and - as such, a great time for me to turn over a new leaf. Instead of my incredible (and deserved) confidence and bravado (whatever that means - I think it has something to do with grey tshirts/boxers), I'm hitting a new note: MODESTY.

Why? Well, I have no f'ing idea, but I don't need to answer questions I don't like, so moving on:

I suck.

No, seriously I do. Here's a few proof points:

- I sent an email to a client today, well actually, FOUR clients, that was signed: "Let me know if you'd rather hump on the phone. Happy to." Isn't that awesome? No it isn't you asshole.

- I have a bum wheel. My knee is totally screwed up and I walk around like a limping freak. The best is when I go downstairs. Plus, I complain about it incessantly, which makes me wicked annoying.

- I almost fell asleep in a meeting. Twice.

- Plus, I have trouble doing math. ALWAYS have. I can't even do 20% tips at restaurants. I sit there and stare at the receipt REALLY hard, for upwards of 9.5 minutes, and sometimes I start to drool. Then I get really upset about it and freak out. It's really cool!

- I forget to eat alot. Then I act like a labotomy patient and when reminded I need to eat, usually say, "No I don't." And act like a jerk. Then, I eat and in 10 minutes say, "Wow! I did need to eat."

- My hair looks like a pile of rats live in it, not every day, but at least 2 times a month. It's super sexy and it makes people around me want to spend lots of time with me.

So - I'll come up with more reasons soon - but I think that's a good start.

Oh, and the moral of this little tale? Why would anyone be friends with me! So, think about THAT! (CK this is directed at you, I'm trying to cut you down).

2008-02-27T16:50:00.000-08:00

Man, I'm bored of SJ already. I mean this blog.

So, I get a lot of reader questions two of which that keep cropping up again and again: "CK, what do you do all day?" - and - "Why did you decide to once again add meaning to my life and resurrect PWS?" And man, I have to say, those are GOOD questions. Two real stumpers if you ask me - and well, you did! Let me take a stab at these:

One thing I do is IM with SJ a lot. A few of you know that we've been separated for over a year now. It was really hard at first, but we had to do it to for the kids. We have 8. Angelina and Brad have nothing on us. And by 8 kids, I actually mean breath mints. It's pretty much the same thing. Give or take. Anyhoo, we IM and sometimes we talk on the phone and pretend it's a conference call but it's really not (Far left: SJ on the phone. Chatterbox!). We're just gabbing about our weekend or what we're going to eat for lunch or who looks cuter today (usually me). Other times I shop on-line and sometimes I like to look like I'm reading the paper, but I'm actually resting my eyes. They get SUPER tired sometimes!

Right now things are pretty busy though. SJ and I have been put in charge of a pretty sweet assignment. Not sure who assigned us that project (and together!) but man! I don't want to say they were sleeping at the wheel, but they were sleeping at the wheel, right??? Yeah, so we have a lot of free time on our hand so decided to start up PWS again. It's as simple as that my friends. 1,2,3 = P,W,S.

Now who wants to get me a hot dog? Mama's hungry.

2008-02-27T16:16:00.000-08:00

Don't Call it a Comeback (Because let's be honest, we'll probably get bored again and stop writing after 3 posts)

OK, let's see who's paying attention here because just like any good celebrity, or not so good (Gary Busey I'm talking to you), we're on the comeback tour. Let me break it down for you. That means we're going to be bigger (I just ate a slice of pizza AND a panini. OK and some leftover apple turnover things I found in the communal fridge); better (I'm taking lanyard making classes at the Y. Advanced Lanyard Making. Ahem) and my bitches, we're going to be BRINGING IT even harder than before! That's right. The Register has NUTTIN on us! Gawker move the F over. ValleyWag - well no one reads you anways so you don't really count.

So all I can say loyal readers (Sean M. we know you check weekly) is buckle up because baby, we're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccck!

2007-04-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

The Dinner Party

Well hello there. It's been awhile, hasn't it? And you know why? BECAUSE I GOT A LIFE! AND A BOYFRIEND! AND I WON THE LOTTERY! OK, I didn't. I just drank too much and had to go into rehab. But the good news is I got to meet Brit and we now have matching haircuts. Holla!

So, in the spirit of kicking things off, what better way than with a certifiably enjoyable "Moo" email?!?!?! I bounced it off SJ and let's just say she was lovin' it like a big old lady loves some hot biscuits slathered in butter and jam and bacon. But first, I need to provide some background for clarity purposes: The CK clan had a doozy of a dinner party last night - the first "real" entertaining they've done since they moved digs. Needless to say, it was an event to remember (see picture above; that's Dan is on the right). But I think it's best to let my Moo explain just how much fun they had... And yes, this is a REAL email and I didn't change a word (except a few names to protect the innocent)

#

Well, your Dad was quite happy with the dinner party. It felt like more of a celebration than a cultivation. I REALLY REALLY like Connie and Dan and think we could become good friends with them. They are very natural and down to earth.

Teresa of course saved the day! It would have been havoc without her help…..and your MaMa had too much wine too. I had about 3 glasses of Schraumsburg during cocktails. Ed had shipped 9 gorgeous wines for the dinner. I must say that I have NEVER had such equisite wines in my life. I'm not much of a white wine drinker,..but may I say OHMYGOD! WOW! We had an amazing wine with the Coquille St. Jacques. (It turned out that Connie cannot eat shell fish. Fortunately, I had fixed a double order of pheasants for someone who couldn't eat meat…and was able to substitute pheasant…which Teresa said delighted and surprised her immensely. For some reason, everyone loved the crudite (Boston lettuce) w/that vilnegrette I make.

Then the PROBLEM…I didn't tell your Dad…its our SECRET. The Tenderloin was supposed to bake at a very high heat 450 F for no more than 30 minutes. Well Herman bought a new digital thermometer that didn't appear to be working to me. The meat was in there close to 50 minutes..and I was afraid it was going to over cook so I took it out to rest while we had the Coquilles. OOOOOOPS! I then started slicing the tenderloin and got to the middle and it was RAW, not rare raw, but raw. It was too late…I had to serve. So I told Teresa to brush the raw ones with Kitchen Bouquet (that brown stuff) to cover it up.( I told her to make sure she gave us the cooked slices though! ) Everyone was so into the wine, that no one seemed to notice. I was just praying that no one would get ecoli! Inthemeantime, the asperges got overcooked, and I was getting quite tipsy. Again….Thank God for Teresa who served the plates. The red wines were simply amazing. Everyone really seemed to enjoy the twice baked potatos too.

Then the real FUN! I served profiteroles with a choice of warm rum mincemeat or berries. We needed to make more whipped cream. I got the carton out of the frig and bent down to get the mixer. Then I notice all this white liquid all over my lower cupboard and pans. I said what the devil is this white stuff? Teresa took me by the shoulders. Looked at me authoritatively and said YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN NOW! Listen to ME. You need to go and SIT DOWN! Then I bent over to pick up something and she said, I really know your in trouble. You drooled on me!

So I went back to the table.

Then Dan served a 37 year old Port. I served that lovely Maytag blue cheese with it. What an absolutely sensational combination.

After everyone left, your Dad just took himself to bed.

I had a hang over…still do. I've had 4 cups of coffee already. :)

Love MOOO

2007-01-24T11:22:00.000-08:00

Jesus Walks
And Poses in a 2L Leather Jacket

When I opened up this week's Fortune, I fainted. For real. Then I woke up. Looked at Fortune again and fainted a-gain. So I'm taking a break from looking at Fortune because there's a nasty bruise forming on my forehead and I think I popped a blood vessel in my eye but that's besides the point. The point is there is a full page spread of The Phillip Rossedale in a leather jacket wearing True Religion jeans. SO HOT. Oh man. Did someone just turn up the thermostat? Phew. But guys, it gets even better. I know, right? HOW could it get better. Well basically because it's Christmas, my birthday, Easter and the Second Coming all wrapped up with one beautiful bow and a cherry on top: there is also a picture of his avatar. In chaps. Dammit. I just fainted again.

This one's going into the private collection if you know what I mean.

2007-01-10T21:17:00.000-08:00

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Happy New year dummies! I'm sure we've been missed, but when you learn the reasons for our absence, it will all make sense. Short story: we've been working. Hard. CK was pitching in on some really innovative technology over the break (hint: it was BIG news yesterday...) and me? I've been doing this. Non-stop.

Brilliance like ours doesn't come easy, but it is here. And it's not going anywhere. Happy 2007!

2006-12-22T09:45:00.000-08:00

Ho! Ho! Ho! Succaaaaaaaaaas

So, due to popular demand, PWS has finally caved in and agreed to give you all a taste of that sweet, sweet sugar you crave - our incredible writing talents and superior wit - before we close out the year that was 2006. Since SJ is living it up in Europa, doing god knows what(actually, I have a pretty good idea...) that leaves me, CK-extraordinaire, to give you a dose of that PWS action you've been missing.

Let's see, where do I start? How about the things I am grateful for in 2006 shall I? OK. Let's do this.

1) Leopard Pendants: Some people hate, I say hot. Here's to the fashion trend of '06 huge gold, growling leopard pendants and black turtlenecks. A true classic - one I just can't see fading.
2) Stef O. and Kristin M.: In with the new, out with the old. Or in this case in with THE MAVERICK and out with Molsen. To two bad ass mother fuckers that make me smile, wince, cry a little every single goddamn day. Especially when you badger me day in and day out to post. WELL HERE IT IS! HAPPY NOW? (Love you)
3) Margaritas: Self-explanatory. Although I think 2007 may be the year of the Sidecar.
4) YOU - OK, it's a rip-off from Time Magazine, but honestly? Where would SJ and I be if it wasn't for all of our loyal PWS readers? We'd probably be promoted or have gotten a raise or maybe I would have a boyfriend because we would have been concentrating on our jobs and our social lives instead of you freaks. But that's all relative.
5) and what's the number one thing I'm grateful for? OK, technically it's #5 but I had to get some anticipation going - why SJ, of course. Duh. Why? BECAUSE IM OBSESSED WITH HER. Not in a crazy, weird way but just I really like her and think about her pretty much every single minute type of way. SJ - I love you. Why don't you return my calls? Or my faxes?

Awkward...

OK, Happy Holidays my friends - Looking forward to many more postings and 2L extravaganzas in 2007!

Holla!

SJ & CK

2006-12-04T06:46:00.000-08:00

One More for the Road...

And just because we've been really bad about posting, here's a bonus round! This one is from my very own - Enjoy!

#

Hi Sweetheart -

Sorry to bother you while you're so busy, but I need your fashion advice.

As you know I WAS going to wear that Peggy Jennings dress that I got last year, to the Christmas Ball on Sat. HOWEVER, your Mom has been eating candy and chocolates almost nightly since Halloween…. I tried on that dress about 3 weeks ago and it fit better than ever. BUT then I tried it on again and it is really REALLY snug in the middle. The hips and legs are fine…but my middle has thickened up! I'm so mad at myself.

So I ran out and bought another dress last night. It is also a Peggy Jennings marked down from $1,375 to $260. This one is a flat black cocktail dress with a halter design. The back is bare to just below the wings in the back. So its not really low, but does show my upper back, shoulders and a bit of neckline.

So, do you think I should buy something else or what? Also, can I wear shiny black satin shoes with a flat black dress?

Love MOO

2006-12-04T06:28:00.000-08:00

We're Back With What We Do BEST (no it's not drinking or being really ridiculously fun - although it could be)

Hello again PastyWhiteSugar readers far and wide! And by far and wide I mean the girl sitting across from me (Hi Kristin!). Apologies for the lack of postings these past 2 weeks. I know it's hard to believe, but SJ and I were REALLY busy. Really busy slacking off - ha! Anyhow, on that note, while we're getting back into the swing of things, we've enlisted a regular PWS guest blogger - Diane - to share some of her very best Mom emails. We know you guys just can't get enough!

#

Subject: Shrimp

Dearest Di,

I heard through the New York mother grapevine some bad Shrimp or fish is going around NY.
Soooooo please eat other things, such as meat and chicken and pork(very well done)!!!!
I don't know, but be careful. IBe aware.

----Your, cousin Audrey got food poisoning last weekend and some other symptoms of headache and eye trouble during the week??? (Grandma told me, Aunt Marlene told Grandma)

Hope you are enjoying the Blue dress. It was always one of my favorites and I'm so happy my daughter(my best friend, also) is enjoying it.

I love you more than you know,ma

#

2006-11-17T16:36:00.000-08:00

Wait, Wait! What's this!?? It's BONUS TIME, BABY!

Two for one Friday, bitches! This next one's on the house.

Here's a question: Is this or is it not, my Dad? The one who paints Godzilla attacking half finished bridges, if you needed any more detail.

2006-11-17T16:09:00.000-08:00

Another Guest Blogger Takes the Helm, Kiddies!

Because CK and I are lazy, or shall I say, busy making important big-money deals, we appreciate the intermittent post by a guest blogger. This time, we've got two. Two bunnies. Belle and Ferdinand, talking about everyone's favorite past-time, sex in 2nd Life. I know what YOU'RE doing this weekend! Gross, I just threw up in my mouth.

Anyhow, my fingers hurt from typing, so here it is:

Ok, so we might be bunnies but at least we can write coherently without excessive use of gangster rap and acronyms. Belle's ears stood UPRIGHT and Ferdinand could suddenly SEE out of both eyes when Gertrude Trotter received the following group notice from within Sadville:

Best Nude Av 7pmslt

Wild intentions will be having best nude av event tonight, come win some shopping money an showcase that sexy furry body, Your only chance to show your closet friends what they are missing out on, woot woot im biffo27 steele, jason barret or alis amdahl for tp cya there tell yo friends!!!

Here's a challenge Sadville Inhabitants - try writing your furry spam in English. That's a challenge from two bunnies.

2006-11-15T07:12:00.000-08:00

Who Is This "CopyBot"? And What is He Doing in Second Life???

Quick, quick, really fast Q: who is CopyBot?! Because this bad boy seems to be getting a LOT of play in Second Life. No, really. He seems to get around (refer to picture, upper right corner). If anyone can shed some light on this dude, PLEASE!, let us know.

PS: we could read the article, but that would be too easy. Besides, I'm busy doing stuff. Like the Roger Rabbit...

2006-11-14T19:23:00.000-08:00

QUICK! Who's Going to Conquer Second Life Next?

I know! I know! I'm told by a highly informative Second Lifer (Peggy Boo Boo?? Maaaaaaaaaaybe. I never reveal my sources. Unless you give me $5. OK, $1.50 and a diet coke) that not one but TWO certain someones are set to trot out in the metaverse. Who you ask... Weeeeeeeeell, you're in luck. I've had two Sidecars and A CORN DOG so I'm in a pretty awesome mood. It's none other than Anna Wintour and Mickey Mouse! You think I'm lying? Well I'm freakin' not. I'm told that it's basically "inevitable". And when people use big words like that, you have to believe them. Big words and wave their hands around real fast so you get confused and go "booga booga booga"!!!!

Someone looks pretty stoked about going to the Metaverse...

2006-11-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

Naughty, Naughty PWSers

So as K-Mavs and Gertrude Trotter (two of PWS' most loyal readers) pointed out this afternoon, SJ and I have been very bad about posting lately. We're sorry. Really we are. But trust me when I say we have an iron-clad excuse: SJ lost her pegasus. In her words, "I can't find the goddamn animal ANYHWERE!" So guys, if you've seen him (purple wings, rainbow colored tail, answers to Frank) we'd be super grateful if you could give us a little shout. SJ has been despondent (and quite honestly, no fun which sucks for you-know-who). So while we're searching the metaverse far and wide, we've enlisted the help of one of our most favorite PWS-followers - Shannon O. - to take the reins as a guest blogger. Her Second Life thoughts follow below in PINK:

PS: I've included a little sculpture of Frank and SJ that I hand crafted above. Of course this was before she got that forehead thing fixed.

Second Life is like Barbie

So, I've been giving Second Life a lot of thought and it occurred to me that Second Life is like Barbie for adults.

When I was young I had the Barbie corvette, townhouse and jacuzzi. She had furs, roller skates and ball gowns. I could not drive and even if I could, I would not have had a convertible sports car; I did not have a luxurious townhouse, nor do I think I'd even been in a hot tub....let alone with a naked Ken. But, through Barbie, I had all of these things. It was fun to pretend. I think Second Life is really the same thing, just in a modern format. The only difference is I was 7-YEARS-OLD, not a grown adult, and these luxuries cost under $50 each (and sometime FAR below), not hundreds or thousands of dollars.

I've grown up and I'm past imaginary friends and dress-up. So, the question is---Are Second Lifers those with arrested development?

2006-11-13T14:37:00.000-08:00

The Most Awesome Thing I Have Ever Read?

Maybe.

2006-11-09T12:39:00.000-08:00

PWS High Honors
The Strange Accolades Keep Rolling In

This frankly amazing gem came strolling into our PWS paws last night from a REAL LIFE Second Lifer! Unfortunately I had already cracked open the malt liquor and SJ had already clopped off to clog dancing or we would have been all over it. So, whatever, deal.

Allegedly, there is a true to the sweet baby jesus Second Life publication called "World of SL" and the real meat of this little rag, is to give Second Lifers the opportunity to post about what exactly they get up to in this wonderful, wonderful, fake, weird, slightly disturbing world. And to our utter suprise and complete JOY, your very own PWS pals were featured smack bang right between the "Performancing" and "Why We Have Sex in Second Life" posts. Of course, I'm told it's because some people have a problem with what SJ and I do. And if you have a problem with totally awesome reporting then good because I have a problem with you.

However, to be fair, I thought we'd take a closer look at World of SL's content - and you know what? We actually 100% completely agree with a LOT of the points made. So consider ourselves told! I've pulled out a few points highlighted in blue from the "Why We Have Sex in Second Life" post with my thoughts below. Let us know what you think!

Before anything else, I have to say I believe sex happens in your head.

PWS: Totally right. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've certainly never used anything else. It's just me, baby. And sometimes my pegasus.

"But in some very important ways, sex in Second Life is *the very same thing* as sex in Real Life".

PWS: I would actually have to disagree with this one. My sex life is MUCH better in Second Life.

Your brain tells your body it's aroused, and with a little help from a hand or I don't know, some kind of appliance you've bolted onto your desk, your rocket ship takes flight and when you eventually come to yourself you're in afterglow.

PWS: Where the hell did you get a rocket ship?

2006-11-08T13:44:00.000-08:00

Bigger news than Rumsfeld: Bobby Brown is in Second Life!

Could today be any better? Mr. Bobby Brown confirmed he's in Second Life today - he's the winged, seven-legged magician dancing like Minnie Mouse in DimmyDonkaLonkaLand's water park.

Go check it out! What are you waiting for!?

2006-11-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

It’s Called “Shit Canned Central” – and You’re Invited

It’s recently come to our attention at PWS that some people think they can party better than us. While SJ and I shared a serious chuckle over these claims, I would like to take a moment to pointedly address these fairly serious allegations: quite simply, they’re not true. No one - and I mean no one – parties harder or better or more often than us. You hear that? No one. Do you know anyone else who lies on a buffet table inebriated at company parties (especially ones that aren’t theirs)? Nope. Didn’t think so. What about throwing a glass against a brick wall because she dared herself? Yeah – and you call yourselves “cool”. Losers.

As such, to dispel these frankly disgusting rumors once and for all , SJ and I have decided to host our own soiree and you, PWS readers far and wide, are invited. Just to whet your appetite, we’ve included a party agenda below. Feel free to tell us what you think – but I don’t think there’s anyway you’re NOT showing up to this gig. And if you don’t, well that’s your loss, because I’ve already cracked open the Bacardi Breezers at La Quinta (free valet parking, bitches - Ask yourself, why wouldn't I throw a party there?) and am doing the running man as I type.

PWS PARTY AGENDA

Attire: Black-Tie or Sans Pants (you will not be allowed in if you do not adhere to the strict dress code).
Entertainment: CK and SJ Dance Troupe – “The PWS Twinkle Toes”: Dancing enigmas, CK and SJ, will take the stage to a medley of Tina Turner, Steely Dan and Journey in an interpretive dance complete with fringe jackets and leg-warmers.
Grand Finale: Magic Show! SJ will release 72 doves into the air and CK will levitate off the ground in her white Elvis jumpsuit to Meatload’s “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That). THEN, we’ll cut an audience member in half but we won’t put them back together again because we’ll be too drunk.

See you there! Honk honk!

2006-11-07T11:00:00.000-08:00

REMEMBER TO VOTE TODAY!

If for some reason you don't vote, this guy (pictured above) will jump through your computer screen and I'm not responsible for what he does after that. As for if that will really happen, it's doubtful, but think about it. All day. Then, go vote and keep looking behind you, because if I were a betting girl, I'd bet he's chasing you and when you look behind yourself and don't see him, he's probably RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

2006-11-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

What Makes CK’s World Go Round?

After SJ's enlightening weekend round-up, our PWS hotmail address was simply inundated with requests about my own personal likes and dislikes. Honestly - you guys! - I'm totally flattered! So much so that I thought I'd pound out a little sumpin’, sumpin’ on what really rocks my world. We all know SJ loves Second Life, Joe Montana and clog dancing. But what do I really like you ask? Well, let me tell you. It’s two words, and all I can say is she’s back, bitches. All you naysayers and playa haters, well I don’t want to say I told you so, but you know what? I freakin am. Britney Spears is back and she looks TOTALLY AWESOME MAN!

I honestly can't describe how I felt this morning when I was reading my favorite gossip sites, I mean working, and saw my little Brit strutting her stuff on Letterman. It was almost as wonderful as levitating around Second Life with my furry friends and pretending like it was real-life. Almost.

Anyhow, what do YOU, our loyal PWS readers think about this comeback? I think it's pretty freakin' fantastic and if you want to make fun of me - Well bring it on. Just remember, you tool around in a fake world, asshole. Oh - and my Avatar can totally beat up yours.

PS: This one's for you, Beat.

2006-11-06T14:02:00.000-08:00

UPDATE to WEEKEND ROUNDUP!

Sorry for forgetting this guys, but you PWS readers keep me honest. I just received 19 emails* asking me to post a pic of me from the big game. Duh! How could I forget that!?

*19 emails was a total lie, I didn't get any at all. Why did I lie? Because, I'm sorry, but last time I checked this was MY blog, and I was the boss. Any questions?

I LOVE FOOTBALL!

2006-11-06T12:22:00.000-08:00

WEEKEND ROUNDUP

What were you're favorite metaverse-travelling, pegasus-loving bloggers up to this weekend? Great question!

Let's start with the fact that I took what felt like a really long run through the Mission on Sunday, with...my PWS t-shirt on! What's that? Old-school advertising baby, because if we don't pump up the numbers of *real* people reading this crap, we're doomed. Transe dancing, winged leather-daddies don't pay all the bills, if you know what I'm saying.

A highlight for me during the run was when I stopped to buy coffee. (That's the kind of runner I am, baby!) Anyhow, the "hip" crowd at Ritual Coffee didn't seem to like my t-shirt. The only reason I say that is that they glared at me, pretty openly. Like, about 10 at once. If I could bottle their faces and sell it, I would. You know why? Alot of people would buy it, that's why. Because it was really FUNNY.

What else happened this weekend? Well, first let me say, PWS is still important to me, but something happened this weekend. I became obsessed with football. Why? Because I went to the 49ers game (first football game ever). Well, they had everything from blue angels to a full-field-sized American flag, to people with face paint on (including me, of course). Anyhow, all I can say is that football gives Second Life something to live up to. Especially this (the below), who happened to be AT THE GAME. I LOVE FOOTBALL!

Oh and as to what CK was up to, she just drank alot of booze.

2006-11-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

Holla Back!

Oh MAN! We keep on getting bigger and bigger, don't we? We're up to a whopping (are you sitting down?) ... THIRTY-FOUR readers. That's right. 3-4. Readers. Yes, most of them are our friends and colleagues. I know Hannah (family dog. greeting cards. remember her?) is a regular, as are Belle and Ferdinand, but STILL. This is getting out of control. Our favorite reporter, Mr. Ashlee Vance at The Register, has included us in his most recent story and we are so stoked we might throw a party in the metaverse tonight to celebrate. (BYOP(egasus) - We're not made of Linden dollars. Yet).

So guys, listen, this is what we need to do now. We need advertisers. I don't care if you are selling vacums or viagra, we'll run it on our site. You hear me? We. Will. Run. It. Because basically, we're the real deal. Not to mention really, really shallow.

First 5 leads get a PWS t-shirt... Email us at pastywhitesugar@hotmail.com

2006-11-02T11:41:00.000-08:00

Back to Basics

Those of you who are long-time PWS followers will know that Second Life isn't the only subject we report on. Nope. We also like to make fun of our parents whenever humanly possible. And on that note, please enjoy the following email from my Mother that just popped into my inbox. Please note the astericks throughout the email as I have taken the liberty to address several items that might be of confusion to our readers. I've also included the "Thought for the Day" she provided at the bottom of this little gem - I think it's applicable to both First and Second Life.

#

Hello Sweetheart-

Hannah* wants to know if your got her Halloween Card?

I klutz'd out last night and knocked red wine all over my new gabardine suit..it got AIRBORNE!. I washed it off with Oxyclean, but the Dry Cleaners were NOT happy with me. They think that it will water mark. Too bad,... I like that new suit. Good thing I got it at Filene's Basement.**

Tomorrow I'll be working from Boston. Hope to get into F.Bs and find more Austin Reeds. Looks like I may need a replacement.

Love YOUR MOO

*Family dog. Like to send greeting cards.
**Discount clothing store. She sent me a list of NY locations in case I want to pick anything up.

Thought for the Day:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water? Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz. The lecturer replied, The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. "If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. "He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. " "So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. " "Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

2006-11-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

Screw The Avatar Man

So I’m opening my mail this morning and enjoying a nice cup of coffee in the metaverse, contemplating which outfit I want to wear today – ladybug with plastic PVC wings and antennae or go a bit more conservative with a rubber condom bodysuit – you know, the usual, when I come across this frankly rather disturbing article: 'Second Life' land prices get hefty hikes.

Um, ex-squeeze me. You’re telling me that instead of being able to buy my VIRTUAL land in Second Life for the bargain price of $1,250, I now have to pay $1,675.

Now that’s just f*cked up, man.

2006-10-31T13:35:00.000-08:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Go crazy out there tonight, kids! Here's a fun one of me in my costume (I'm Mickey) and CK's on the right, pre-costume. I'm not one to give away secrets.

2006-10-31T06:22:00.000-08:00

Bunny Blog: Belle and Ferdinand the Bunnies: Gertrude Sucks, Valleywag Rocks

OOOO-EEEE! We've REALLY hit the big time now. Forget NewsWeek and C-Span, they can leave us a message, because we're too busy basking in the bunny glory of Belle and Ferdinand, our favorite lapins.

Look out for some future colloboration with these dudes. They're hoppin' (yes - I really did just say that)

2006-10-31T06:07:00.000-08:00

Biz Stone, Genius: Blog of Note

Awesome! The PWS gang also got another shout out on BizStone, Genius. Thanks, man! And you're damn straight about loving the Second Life. We can't get enough of it over here. No sirree. Is it strange my fingers are numb from all this boppin around the metaverse? No, I didn't think so either.

2006-10-30T16:07:00.000-08:00

PWS Launches Advice Column - What do YOU want to know!?*

As the above title suggests, we're starting a new column here on PWS, due to reader demand (which is getting really distracting, but keep it coming guys. And when you do, click on our ads. Twice.) So, the new column is driven by YOU, our 8-30 odd readers, most of whom visit for 2-3 seconds, and what your questions are for CK and I, given our stature and connections in the metaverse.

Let's get started, shall we?

The first question comes from a reader in Alaska (yes, they have the metaverse there too! I know, what's next?)

Q. How do I make my own Avatar?

A. GREAT question, and especially timely given the Register's news below. First and foremost, make it work for YOU. It's not just about impressing total and complete strangers on Second Life, it's about impressing yourself. I mean, you're going to be looking at this thing ALOT as you transport around Dimmydonka-lonka land. Here are some good questions to ask yourself as you get started:

Your essence. What do I want people to think when they first see my "2nd" me? (Possible answers include: muscles, wings, horns, dog tails, horse-hooves). the sky's the limit, just be realistic and stick to what makes you, you. I recommend 4-90 minutes in front of the mirror followed by some drawing with colored pencils.
Your personality. Do I want to be a little insane or really f'ing freaky? The thing here is that you have to pick one or the other, so think hard about this one. What do you feel deep inside? are you a) wierd, b) nuts or c) totally off-your-butt looney? Now that you have that straight, reflect this mood in your avatar. If you're in the "c" bucket, I'd go for some big leather-daddy wings and accessories. Tell 'em Peggy Booboo-head sent you! Price range is only about 20-40 real U.S. dollars, so go for it! Is there a better way to spend that money? I'm not even going to answer that...
Your name. Now, this is paramount as you never get a second chance to make a first impression, even with fire-throwing, trance dancing pegasuses. (Trust me, I should know!) As we all know, your name is your IDENTITY, and you can't really put a price-tag on that (unlike your virtual red-pleather clothing and hair-pieces). What I like to do is shake it up a little. You can obviously start with the last name since you have to pick it from Second Life's exciting library. My favorites are: Kyrgyz, Carribook, Bunavad and Yanyean... then comes your first name. I don't want to prescribe some process here, but let me just say, people like alliteration and objects they're familiar with - think Kamikaze Kyrgyz for example. Is that exciting or what!? I want to meet him. Now. Wait. I can just be him. What did I say before? Something about the sky being the limit?!

With those basics, you should be well underway to getting your avatar started. I'm including above an inspiring portrait of a buddy's avatar. If we could all be this good!

*Guys - Due to popular PWS demand, you can also email us your questions at pastywhitesugar@hotmail.com. See you in the metaverse!

2006-10-30T14:05:00.000-08:00

PWS EXCLUSIVE: Register Vulture Takes Dump in Second Life*

Our friends over at The Register have been so impressed by our proficiency in Second Life land, as well as our incredibly poignant reporting (not to mention good looks – and if you think I look good in First Life you just hold on to your pants when you get a load of my Avatar. I’m one fine looking alien pirate. No such thing exists you say? Oh it does, my friend, It sure does. And mark my words, one day the alien pirate race shall rule the world and then you’ll be sorry for making fun of my peg web leg. You sure will a-holes.). Anyhow, where was I? Oh yes, The Register. We know our PWS readers are also big followers of this fine publication and are obviously in the know about the contest**. Well, today it is with great pride and perhaps a tear or two in my eye (only the one because I lost the other in a really messy arguement to a really rude zebra named Paul the other day. I know, right. What kind of name is Paul?), I would like to exclusively announce the official Register Avatar: a rather dapper vulture with a kickin’ little collar. Can we say, hot? We can and we have and we might even say it again.

Maybe we’ll see you around? You, PWS and Gertrude Trotter*** can all grab a Seabreeze and kick it with some numchucks and gigantic beanie babies or something.

*Dear Second Lifers: there’s been some question over whether you can actual answer Mother’s Nature calling in Second Life. Thoughts?

**Contest alert: Please submit your takes on what The Register's Second Life avatar should look like, and what our special place should be. We're thinking S&M parlor, but it's up to you. Winner gets a shirt or mug. [Graphics preferred]

***PWS’s favorite Second Lifer.

2006-10-30T06:07:00.000-08:00

Quick, Quick Important Q

Do Second Lifers dress up for Halloween? And if so, what's considered a "costume" if you're already rockin around as George Hamilton or a yellow tricerotops?

Think about it. I dare you.

2006-10-30T05:30:00.000-08:00

Today ValleyWag, Tomorrow the World

Imagine our surprise at PWS headquarters when we were alerted to this stunning piece in our favorite* tech rag, Valleywag.

Um, obviously we realize we're a pretty big deal but we had no idea you succas, I mean our fantastic readers, felt the same. But all 7 of you really pulled through for us - Thanks!

And thank you, Valleywag - If you ever need some Second Life freelance work done, well, you know where to find us. Fourth island on the left past wookie land.

*OK, OK - tied with The Register who gives PWS a run for our money in Second Life coverage.

2006-10-26T12:49:00.000-07:00

RESPECT!

Guys, Second Life is hotter than hot these days, and we all know where it's going. It's just about to eclipse Google, if I need to even tell you that, you must be asleep at the wheel/flying unicorn. Anyhow, I wanted to point out that Second Life isn't all "brand new." In fact, there have been people working tirelessly behind the scenes on building the blocks for the next generation of society for ages, with a quiet, dedicated and persistent passion.

Here's a tribute to Avatar Kennels (pictured above). Who knew how far they would go? They did.

2006-10-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be around 4Eva, bitches

That's right. Whether you like or not looks like I'm here to stay. In my quest to downsize my caffeine intake, I've been partaking in a fabu little bevvie known to many as "Green Tea", but I prefer to call the "Live Forever Elixir". Why's that? Because it makes me impervious to every known disease and ailment to mankind. Read it and weep, succas. Looks like I'm going to be around awhile.

http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=146

2006-10-25T05:18:00.000-07:00

Meet Juan

So, SJ and I always get asked: "How do you come up with such great and compelling story ideas?" Well, obviously our incredible smarts have something to do with it as well as our nose for news, but like any talented artist, we have a muse - Someone who gets our creative juices bubbling and our pens a-racing. Someone who guides us to the true innovative BRILLIANCE that is PWS.

This man, this force, his name is Juan and I'd like you to meet him.

Oh look! Here he is out in San Francisco at Oracle OpenWorld spreading the PWS message: Thakrostenicul. What does that mean? I have no fucking clue. But who am I to question Juan? I'm not. He's a master. A genius if you will. And whatever he writes on that poster board of his, well, let me tell you, it's what dreams are made of. Dreams and pretty awesome pyschopaths who wear one bitchin pair of Oakleys.

2006-10-24T14:11:00.000-07:00

NEWSFLASH: Second Lifers go to the movies.

Big news from last weekend: second lifers are in fact, EVERYWHERE. Now, I know we've talked about Second Life alot, and acknowledged how huge it is (side note: if you haven't gotten the invite to my pet Pegasus' baby shower, let me know. It's on Thursday and it's going to be really, really, really great), but even I was shocked this weekend when I was explaining to a good friend the magic that is Second Life.

Why was I shocked? Oh, I'll tell you. I was shocked, because just as I started to get really into explaining just *who* goes on Second Life, and just *what* they do there, a little head popped over next to my friend and said, excitedly, "You do Second Life!? I do Second Life!"

My excitement at the sharing of this experience with this amazing 40-something woman was slightly overshadowed by my complete and utter shock. I was at a movie, sitting one seat away, from a true-blue, hard-core, Second Lifer!! Where was CK when I needed her?? Before I could say anything, she whispered something that sounded like, "I'm Peggy Booboo Head!" and shoved a fistful of popcorn in her face, followed by her violently nodding at me, with a conspiratory look in her eye. She said, "You know me right!? You know me!" and laughed. I just nodded, a little in awe and said, "Yes."

She then went on to talk about how she doesn't play SIMS any more, because "Who needs that, when you have Second Life? It's a million times better!" I nodded. She also pointed out she has alot of property in Second Life she paid for and that she has a great store we could check out. A store where we could spend real money on totally fake things, which is basically the best idea I've ever heard. Pretty much ever.

Long story short my friends, Second Lifers are out there. They're sitting next to you in the movies, they're on the bus. They're all over. And that's just really fucking awesome.

2006-10-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

My Mom's Advice On Flying

Hey! Apparently, it's the only way to fly... Enjoy

###

You must have quite a few f/f miles on Virgin by now with your school flights? You may want to check up on your account. If it has lapsed, they'll often restore the miles to you if you ask for it. I LOVE Virgin. I got to sit in First Class before take off once. I could get used to that. They indulged me with Champagne...which got me off to a lovely flight as you can well imagine your Mother :). Then I had to go back to the front row of coach. I noticed that they Stewards gave reflexology and shoulder massages too. Hey! How civilized is that?

Love MOO

2006-10-23T13:36:00.000-07:00

Could It Be The Second Coming Of The Metaverse?

SJ is in Vienna for New Year's Eve and CK is in Edinburgh. In European talk, that's only a skip, hop and a jump away from... TROUBLE. The PWS Editors/Founders/Publishers might be together to ring in 2007. Watch out.

2006-10-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

You Asked For It...

...and now you got it: a day in the life of the PWS founders. We're a pretty busy team, but when Fortune comes knocking on your door asking to do a profile avec action shots, you don't say no. You say, do I get paid for this? And when they say no you just say, OK.

Here's SJ and I brainstorming some great story ideas. As you can see, we're getting pretty heated over how we can best leverage the dancing Minnie Mouse in an upcoming feature piece.

Oh boy! How'd this outtake get in here? That's embarassing! We're sharing a laugh over those poor suckers who still work in the "real world." Idiots. Get a life - Ha!

That's the President on the phone. He reads PWS everyday because as he says, "PWS keeps him up-to-date on the most important issues and current events." SJ is giving him the scoop on Frank, the Pegasus, and his recent run-in with Frankenstein. Messy stuff.

Here we are comparing notes on the competition. We usually keep "reading" to a minimum because it hurts our eyes too much - not to mention it's so 2005. Hello?! No one reads in the Metaverse. They use telekinectics.

And here, my friends, is where all the magic happens - CK and SJ rolling out the latest, cutting-edge post in the metaverse. Woo-ee! It's a good one!

Phew! After a long, hard - yet rewarding! - day, SJ and I hop on our tandem bike and cruise over to our local bar for a Sea Breeze. See you tomorrow!

2006-10-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

We Hug Trees, and Drive SUVs

PWS cares about the environment (except SJ - she uses hairspray out of a aerosol can. Time to alert the Second Life Liberation Army!) but other than that, we're energy-concious, tree-hugging, green gals so OBVIOUSLY we attended the Solar Power 2006 Conference in San Jose this week. And we rolled up in true eco-style: in this sweet, sweet ride. What is that you ask? Well, that is my rental car. Yes sir. It's the only way to travel to an environmental event in a double cab, extended bed Dodge Dakota pick-up truck. And let me tell you, I was the envy of every hippy at the event. Every single god damn one of them.

2006-10-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

Slow News Days Don't Mean I Don't Care.

Which is why I give you this picture above, and ask: what do *you* (pointing) think it is?

By the way, It doesn't take very long to show that I care about keeping this hot blog current.

Great!

2006-10-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

OK. That's It.

You know, SJ and I are a little disappointed in our so-called, self-proclaimed "loyal" readers. I'm sick of hearing, "Oh, I read PWS everyday! At least 5x" or "I love PWS! It's more addictive than crack" or "I just bill my clients for 8 h0urs a day but really all I'm doing is reading PWS." Well you know what? I think you are all LIARS. That's right, liars. We get no sort of feedback or comments (except from ourselves). And if we don't get any feedback, I ask you, how are we supposed to GROW and DEVELOP as professional individuals? How??? I'll answer that - we DON'T. We're creatively stifled. We don't know which way is up or down. I don't know if my reporting on 2nd Life is engaging and SJ doesn't know what you people think of Godzilla. We're confused, scared, and most of all ... sad. Therefore, SJ and I have decided to shut down shop and take PWS in-house. Back to its roots as a two man shop. So, sayonara, thanks for the laughs and we'll be seeing you... Unless, we get some much welcome support from our readers. What do the four of you think?

2006-10-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

The waiting is over. Godzilla Paintings Have Arrived.
(No, this isn't a joke).

Here's the email:

Hola segnorita bella,

Aqui estan.Dick pirated them [the paintings], and they are in Naples, Fla. at his new condo, but I can get them back.

The photo of godzilla at the golden gate bridge is notfinished in the photo, but is now finished with the cables, etc. and is worth MUCHO DINERO!

Love,
Dad

Editor's Note: Lest there be any confusion, the above paintings depict Godzilla attacking (in a rather friendly manner) a Cape Cod Lighthouse and the Golden Gate Bridge. And, yes, both are painted by my father.

2006-10-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

It's Here.

A picture tells a thousand words but this one right here? This speaks about 4 million. They're here and they're hot. Nuff said.

2006-10-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

Extra! Extra! PWS Founders Interviewed!

Now, we don't want to brag, but we're kinda a big deal. So much so that SJ and I were just interviewed by Kristin M. (who you may remember from the PWS most devoted reader posting) for a cutting edge publication. I mean, I know! I'm kind of in shock, too. Anyhow, they say there ain't no such thing as bad publicity so please find the full interview below for your enjoyment and most importantly, education. And if you were ever curious about what we fineladies look like - here we are! SJ is on the left.

KM: How did PWS start?
SJ: Wow. Great question. Well, to tell you the truth, PastyWhiteSugar started off as a side-project for CK and I, but it quickly blew up into one of the most closely watched blogs in the metaverse - It sounds crazy now, but I really didn't know how big we would get. (Confirming we're in the metaverse.) I know people like the inside baseball story, so I'll give it to you. It all started on a bus trip - and I'm sorry, what great idea DIDN'T start on a bus!? Talk about a creative environment. CK and I were pow-wowing on what really gets our juices going, and it didn't take much for us to agree: pasty white sugar was it, and we knew we had to capitalize on our collective brilliance before someone else did. Why keep our ideas, our dreams, our fears and our lives a secret? If we shared them with the world, we'd make something happen, and help millions of people while doing it.

That's the story!

KM: Where are you looking for PWS to go?
SJ: My goal is that PWS becomes ubiquitous in tomorrow's fast-paced and delicious digital culture. We hear SO much about the youtubes, the secondlifes of the world, but I think what's next is seeing PWS on your Mom's computer, hearing the grocery store check-out clerk mentioning a post, you know. I don't think it's too much to ask either, because things are really taking off. In less than a month, we've reached upwards of eight readers, and we have NO ADVERTISING. It's all been word of mouth. There's alot of opportunity out there in the metaverse, and if you're quick, smart and creative, you can make history.

So, specifically, what's next? You can expect some posts on my Dad's Godzilla paintings (details to come!), more of the ground-breaking investigative journalism CK is trying her hand at with her Second Life reports, and here & there, some guest columns. We don't want to completely sell out and change what we're about, at least not yet. When Google knocks on the door, though, I can't say I won't' answer it! One other little thing to watch out for: merchandising, lots and lots of merchandising.

KM: Give a brief overview of what PWS readers can expect in the future?
SJ: This is a stupid question. I just answered it. I don't have time for this crap.

KM: Who are PWS readers?
CK: Well Kristin, that's another great question. Currently we have a strong following with you and ex-Biter, Annie Wilson. We've had to add four, new servers (AMD Opteron, of course!) just to keep up with the traffic.

KM: How did you get an ad?
CK: I have to admit, that was a really pivotal moment for PWS. You know, as SJ mentioned above, we started this thing as a tribute to something great, but it's rapidly evolved into so much more than that: a credible news source, nobel prize worthy literary shorts, cutting-edge photography. Some are even saying we are the next CNN. Yeah, no kidding. So obviously with that kind of success, we are going to get people knocking down our doors for some ad space. This is prime real estate, baby! At the moment, we're still being pretty selective, but buckle your seatbelts for a few doozies in the very near timeframe. I don't want to be a tease or anything, but we've already signed a few 6 figure deals.

KM: Did you find any barriers in making PWS what it is today?
CK: Working with SJ can be tough but you know why? It's because she keeps me on my toes, man! Always pushing me to think outside the box - Andrioid paws and humping Minnie Mouses - It can sometimes be a trip, but you gotta give the people what they want and that's solid, factual reporting.

I guess the only other barrier (if you can call it that) would be my "day job". But as we all know this thing called "reality" won't be around much longer. So to be honest, I don't even need to go to this "job" thing anymore because I'll be living it up in 2nd Life in my sweet, sweet penthouse that overlooks Miami's South Beach getting a back rub from a big bulgy black man and sipping a martini. Now that's real life and you better get ready for it because it's coming like an angry, mad bull and not stopping for anything... or anyone.

2006-10-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

Countdown to whodunnit!? time!

There's something special happening next week. I'm beating CK at Clue. Over and over again.

2006-10-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

Sweet Dreams Of Second Life

So as our readers will know, we here at PWS really appreciate and encourage the phenomenon that is Second Life. We believe that it is incredibly important - no! - essential that we as mankind cultivate this metaverse. Throw away your books! Rid yourself of cars, phones, food, clothes! Your "everyday rules" no longer apply here. And if you try to enforce them, well I can't hear you because I'm in Second Life, baby. Where the hell are you?

*Editor's Note: the creator of this little video also sang the theme song herself. She produced it with one of those Karoake stands at the mall. To really hear the fine nuances of her voice, I recommend the Bose headset.

2006-10-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

SHOCKED. HORRIFIED. scared.

That's how I feel after watching last night's PR. (Project Runway to those of you who are retarded and don't watch the show. Yes, I called you retarded.). Anyhoo, that fat ho Laura tattled on Jeffrey and now he may be kicked off?! What. The. F. I am not a "huge" fan of Jeffrey's but I still think Laura needs to calm the F down and get her hormones in check. Even I could sew some leather pants and shit like that if I had 3 months! to do it and had been a professional designer before! And it's not like her collections wasn't perfect either! I mean, she has tons of detailing all over her evening wear collection. Give me a break! She just can't stand that someone else might be better than her. Hey - did you also check out her husband? I bet he was the one who did the turtle poo and just blamed it on Frank.

Also something else I was SHOCKED, HORRIFIED and scared over. As many of you know (and seeing as it's my best friends who only read this site you should definitely know or be very ashamed of yourselves) The Last of the Mohicans is my favorite movie. Ever. I watch it probably 3x a week and I sometimes think about it a lot, too. So after I watched it about 16x in a row one night, I decided it was high time I read the book. So I trotted over to Barnes and Nobles and picked it up. Um. Has anyone read the book? IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! 100%, completely, F-ing different! I mean, (and if you don't want to know what happens stop reading right now because I'm going on a vent) Cora is Alice in the book, Nathaniel has NO interest in any of the girls (gay maybe?), Unca and Magua fight over Cora (who loves Unca), Duncan loves Alice, Cora dies, Alice lives (and so does Duncan and they get married!) and they are all bible beaters!!! They talk about God all the time. God this, God that. So I have now decided that I didn't read the book. It was just a bad dream and Daniel Day Lewis and me, I mean, Madeleine Stowe still run off into the wild frontier happily ever after. Sigh.

2006-10-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

Want 25th Century? I'll show you 25th Century. This is my new HAND!

The future is now people, and guess who's touching it???

2006-10-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

Back to Basics

Lest any of you think CK and I are totally selling out, I wanted to bring things b ack to what we do best. Making fun of our parents' interesting, bizarre and somewhat troubling email correspondence.

Here's a great one from my Dad, once again, please read carefully!

Hola hijos,

I started this Monday night and am almost done, but
wanted to send it to you.

I photographed it in Guanacaste a few months back. It
is a cuatamundi or pisote as it is called here. It is
a close relative of the racoon on its mother's side.

Love,

Dad

Editor's note: I'm only doing this crap until I figure out how to make more money on this. Whatever those paying people want me to write about, I'll do it. I just need to know what they want me to say. Call me the "hired gun" of the blogosphere. Do it.

2006-10-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's a Momentous Day for PWS

That's because we finally hit the big time, baby! We now have PAYING ads on PWS. Paying as in cash. Dollars. Lettuce. Bones. You get the picture. We're kinda like the new YouTube kids (and you can expect a video shortly). So this post is basically a sayonara suckers because SJ and I are outta here. I'm buying a pink Caddie and she's getting some Kate Spade boots and we're heading to Vegas with our dancing midget. Because that is where dreams come true. Dreams with little umbrellas and sweet, sweet tequila.

2006-10-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

What Do You Think?

This is the dress I have picked out for a colleague's wedding in Napa at 4pm next Sat.(just to set the scene). What do you think? Please be honest as I like it but don't LOVE it. You know what I mean?

2006-10-05T13:09:00.000-07:00

You have no idea.

So the below Mom emails are really flipping funny, but I'm about to get the party started from the West Coast with an email from my DAD. Who said Dad's can't be totally crazy in their own right? PS: This is definitely - just the beginning. Lots more of this crazy sauce to come.

Editor's Recommendation: Read slowly, so you don't miss ANY words.

###

Hola toots,

What's new? Haven't heard from you for awhile. How is
the new position? Tell me about it and what is going
on.

Did you get my bunny painting?

Need some coffee? If so, will send a bunch this week.
Ask Meathead as well. He tells me he is the boss, he
wears the pants in his relationship, but I don't think
so. Give me the scoop.

Love,

Dad

2006-10-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Mom Knows Best

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be featured as a guest blogger on PWS. In the spirit of celebrating all things mom, I share this email beauty from my mom on the importance of changing your bathroom light...what would we do without moms!

"Just a short word about your bathroom light.
I am concerned about your safety in the SHOWER; such as shaving your legs, stepping on something and slipping on something in the dark, etc.(and you may not have thought about this) I understand if you don't want your landlord to be in your apt. without you. But he will loan you the ladder to change the bulb or just ask him to change the bulb when you are home and he'll just go into the bathroom.
(Putting your mascara on your eyebrows instead of your eye lashes , putting your contacts up your nose instead of in your eyes, and brushing your ear instead of your teeth are not the big issues here)!!!!
Please do this for me. I know it seems little to you, but your safety is my main concern."

I love you more than you know,XOXOXO
ma

2006-10-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

One More for the Road...

D and I have decided that it is officially "Mom Email Week". So if you have a good one, please post it to the comments section -OR- sign up to be a guest PWS blogger. Yes, it is a selective process (we need a resume, blood and urine test, two references and a credit check) but the end result is more than worth it. You'll also receive a limited edition PWS sticker to show off to all your friends.

###

Subject: Guess WHAT!*

BTW,...I REALLY hope that your Drivers License turned up? Any news! I hope you're not getting my gene?

I remember backpacking with your Daddy when we were young. He literally starting tying things to me with parachute cord, so that I wouldn't lose them. I remember one time, getting up from a stream where I'd been cleaning his fresh trout. As I walked away an open Swiss Army knife I'd forgotten, swung into my boot toe, blade first! It was an EXCITING moment! :(

Love U 2 Pieces,

Moo

*Please note, this email has been cut due to extreme length.

2006-10-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

An Oldie, but a Goodie

Some of you may have enjoyed this Mom email before. I thought I would post it for those who weren't lucky enough to hear it the first time around. Please note, I have received similar emails to this at least 3x. She's a class act that one.

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Subject: EAT YOUR HEART OUT

CK -

Eat your heart out...I'm going to IHOP! Are you impressed?

MOO

2006-10-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

A Day in the Life of CK

and the emails she gets from her Mom.

Here is a GREAT one I got yesterday regarding a High School friend that just got engaged. I did change her name in case she is a follower of PWS (I mean, let's be honest, who isn't?). I italicized my favorite bit.

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Subject: I am Delighted for Carrie.

CK -

I am delighted for Carrie. I hope he is Jewish as I know that will mean allot to her family. When is she getting married.

I find it interesting that it seems like the girls who were not the most gifted in looks, seem to be the ones getting married first. As for you, you seem very career driven at the moment, but perhaps you need a little more balance in your work vs. social life? Do you know what kind of person you want in your life yet? I was hell bent and determined not to get married until I was 30, but succumbed at almost 25. I am sure that you won't settle for just anyone either.

Hold out for true love. Its worth the wait.

Love Moo

2006-10-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

Things that John from HiDive says that he really shouldn't say:

Want a shot of tequila, little girl? (At 12 pm)
You're here! We were just talking about you! (Points to DVD "Daughter of Frankenstein" and smiles)
You want a little cookie, little girl?
I'll give you a little splash of something. I'll put it in a little glass for you, because that way I don't (whispers) have to charge you.
Hi Sugar, Bye Sugar, Where you been, Sugar?
Bonus: (From his colleague): "Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey! I drank so much of it last night, I started to think to myself, oh no, you're bad. You're doing it all over again."

Is it just me or do these things seem off for a lunch time visit?

2006-10-04T15:06:00.000-07:00

DRAMA

I was just thinking it was time to add some drama to pastywhite, and wouldn't you just figure that drama fell straight into my lap. Through my email inbox.

I can't and won't, name names. But I'll tell you something. The picture to my left was taken in Orlando. At Halloween.

Let me ask a question: would YOU want to be there? With these freaks?

2006-10-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

Our Best Follower. Ever.

Is... KRISTIN! And I sit across from her. And she thinks I'm pretty. But not in that way. Just in the I'm really, really gorgeous and fun and super smart way. Matt Damon thinks the same thing.

2006-10-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

Hypothetically Speaking...
Would you rather eat a big ooey gooey Tuna Melt from Hi-Dive or give Annie a really big noogie?! On her head!

2006-10-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

I'm starting something new on pasty white, not just because this blog is less than a month old and it has no continuous updates or readership, but more because I'm stranded writing a powerpoint and am less than happy.

what i am is baffled. i'm baffled by one thing: the images that people create and put online, only for me to find as i look for jazzy clip art.

wtf? here's a selection - you tell me what to think. clearly, this project not stopping with this post. i think i might even start a non-profit completely dedicated to scouring the world wide web for these glorious artifacts. watch me.

2006-09-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

You're Right...

No one said friendship was easy. But you know what is? Plouf. Little gay french sailor waiters who wear stripey shirts and kerchiefs basically make everything better. So let's go there, my friend, and make it all better.

2006-09-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

Nobody ever said friendship was easy. But you know what they did say? It's sure worth working at. Because life is tough. There's alot of hard knocks out there, and trust me buddy, I've felt 'em. But there's nothing like being knocked down and picked back up again...by a good friend.

Friends?

2006-09-25T18:18:00.000-07:00

CK IS A DEAD LIZARD SKELETON.

Why? Because I said so, and if you ask me any more questions I'll make this lizard dance the samba. On your face.

2006-09-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

SJ is a Stupid Monkey Whore.

Ask her why. OK - I'll tell you. It's because she LIES to people. People including her best friends. LIAR!

2006-09-21T13:25:00.000-07:00

Get Excited San Francisco - Because Here I Come!

Oh baby! I'm coming out to the City by the Bay next week and you know what that means? Yeah, I don't really know either. All I know is that I'm staying at the sweet Hilton in the Financial District in a suite with two double beds, and *FREE* all American breakfast for deux every single god damn morning. Me and my packable, travelable midget will be well looked after. He usually works up quite an appetite after practicing his moves.

2006-09-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

Question.

How much is a cobbler supposed to charge? I just took in two pairs of shoes to get re-soled and re-heeled (my tan Michael Kors with the tortoise shell heel and my sling back Michael Kors with the leather tip. I know you wanted to know, but were afraid to ask). Anyhow, guess how much it cost me? Just GUESS. $93.00. Is that normal? Because I think it's insane. But I guess that would make me insane because I paid it. Stupid cobblers. Although. $93.00 for two pairs of shoes. Hmmm. Maybe I'm in the wrong profession...

2006-09-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

Blogging 101.

As told (over IM) by SJ and CK.

Photo Credit: That's SJ pictured above providing commentary on the latest cutting edge forays in the blogosphere. Check out some of her tips of the trade below.

SJ: i have to fix annies comment
SJ: the stupid ho bag
SJ: wrote out annie b.s whole name
SJ: what was she born yesterday?
CK: yeah - she is a ho bag
CK: you go fix that comment
SJ: im trying!
SJ: i mean really
SJ: rule 1
SJ: dont put the whole name
SJ: esp when she doesn't know us
SJ: and is already scared to death of me
CK: and probably googles herself because she is bored at work
CK: and then finds this blog
CK: by us
CK: talking about her and craps herself
SJ: hahahah
SJ: poor kid
SJ: i'm going to kill annie
SJ: TONIGHT
CK: just feed her some spinach
CK: that should take care of it
SJ: im going to have to delete that post!
CK: ok delete it
SJ: i found how to delete comments
CK: go for it. it wasnt that funny anyhow
SJ: that reyard
SJ: and by reyard
SJ: i mean retard

2006-09-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

TODAY I SAW EVIL.

and this is what it looked like:

sj: i could see myself having a nightmare
that i was strapped to a chair
being beaten
and forced to wear these boots
while eating someones throw up

ck: what would you wear with them?

sj: i'd wear my SHAME
if i ever had to put those on, i'd die
like violently
convulsing
and bawling crying
beating the ground
saying WHY
WHYYYYYYY

2006-09-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

Why I Don't Miss Annie.

1) Because she sends weird emails about frogs and time and flies.
2) Because she went to Mexico and didn't invite me.
3) And when she was in Mexico, I had to be her back-up.
4) Because she didn't let SJ and I go to that party at 4am one night when I had a flight the next morning at 6am. Who does she think she is?
5) Because I met Annie B. and I like her a lot more.

2006-09-13T16:29:00.000-07:00

Today I am Angry.

Why? Well, there are several reasons.

1) All my forwarded mail from SF has either been parking tickets, jury summons, credit card bills or more parking tickets. And that's just not fair.
2) I have to sell my car.
3) I really want everything from here: http://www.bcbg.com and here: http://www.bananarepublic.com/browse/division.do?cid=13358 and here: http://www.traderjoes.com/. But I can't afford any of it because NYC is so goddamn expensive.
4) I 'm portly and so ballet flats don't look good on me.
5) I miss SJ.

I hate the Weds blues.

2006-09-12T15:29:00.000-07:00

CK's nasty.

I'm getting wasted tomorrow.

What!?

2006-09-12T14:10:00.000-07:00

I Thought I Knew You.

SJ just told me she is eating a salad for lunch. That's right, a s-a-l-a-d. Do you know how many calories are in those things?! NONE. And it is loaded with absolutely no sugar whatsoever and lots of fresh green crunchy things instead. It's so healthy - it basically makes me sick. Actually, SJ, you make me sick. I thought I knew you. Perv.

2006-09-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

Health Hazards of Pasty White Sugar - There's No Such Thing.

Folks, there are NO health hazards to pasty white sugar. Not a single one. None. Nada. Zip. Cavities you say? Made up. Obesity? Um, total lie. Hyperactivity? Puh-lease. There is nothing better in the world for you than PWS. Dentists, doctors and pirates just don't want to tell you that. Why? HELLO. They want it all for themselves. Do you think if this red-headed rascal to my left had a real taste of PWS instead of those nuts and banana chips she's been nibbling on that she'd be sitting there smiling all content with a bowl of jello? Hells no. That little tart would be on the floor kicking and screaming, throwing some of those pots and pans around, ripping a part that kitchen just BEGGING for another taste.

Because as the ladies and Scott Massage know, there ain't nothing like a taste of PWS. Mmm Mmm. Nothing.

2006-09-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Big props to the Kawaga University Rare Sugar Research Center, who are doing some GROUNDBREAKING research into rare white sugar, including the beloved pasty white. http://rare-sugar.com/index1e.html

Guess I know where my next vacation will be!!! I don't even want to think of that labratory right now - but I did write volunteering myself as a test subject. Whatever they have, I'll gladly handle. You know what I mean.

If you want to look into their latest research report, check this out - not for the faint of heart! Oooo doggie! http://rare-sugar.com/7.pdf

2006-09-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

A trusted colleague pointed out that defining "pasty white sugar" might be in order, to fix any confusion there might be out there. Let's start with what it ISN'T:

- Pasty white sugar is NOT a drug, even though it can make you feel VERY good.
- Pasty white sugar isn't your run of the mill white sugar. It's unique. It's bicoastal. It's complicated. It's one of a kind.

So, what IS pasty white sugar? Oh, that's simple. It's the stuff dreams are made of.

2006-09-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Today SJ accidentally sent an email to a colleague that lives in the UK. Neither one of us know her. But I think she'd like to know us. Especially after receiving an email of me in a bunny suit shovelling some gorgeous pasty white sugar.