Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Turning a new leaf: Watch how it's done (you idiot)

In case you haven't noticed, Grandpa, it's 2008. The year of the rat and - as such, a great time for me to turn over a new leaf. Instead of my incredible (and deserved) confidence and bravado (whatever that means - I think it has something to do with grey tshirts/boxers), I'm hitting a new note: MODESTY.

Why? Well, I have no f'ing idea, but I don't need to answer questions I don't like, so moving on:

I suck.

No, seriously I do. Here's a few proof points:

- I sent an email to a client today, well actually, FOUR clients, that was signed: "Let me know if you'd rather hump on the phone. Happy to." Isn't that awesome? No it isn't you asshole.

- I have a bum wheel. My knee is totally screwed up and I walk around like a limping freak. The best is when I go downstairs. Plus, I complain about it incessantly, which makes me wicked annoying.

- I almost fell asleep in a meeting. Twice.

- Plus, I have trouble doing math. ALWAYS have. I can't even do 20% tips at restaurants. I sit there and stare at the receipt REALLY hard, for upwards of 9.5 minutes, and sometimes I start to drool. Then I get really upset about it and freak out. It's really cool!
- I forget to eat alot. Then I act like a labotomy patient and when reminded I need to eat, usually say, "No I don't." And act like a jerk. Then, I eat and in 10 minutes say, "Wow! I did need to eat."
- My hair looks like a pile of rats live in it, not every day, but at least 2 times a month. It's super sexy and it makes people around me want to spend lots of time with me.
So - I'll come up with more reasons soon - but I think that's a good start.
Oh, and the moral of this little tale? Why would anyone be friends with me! So, think about THAT! (CK this is directed at you, I'm trying to cut you down).
Man, I'm bored of SJ already. I mean this blog.

So, I get a lot of reader questions two of which that keep cropping up again and again: "CK, what do you do all day?" - and - "Why did you decide to once again add meaning to my life and resurrect PWS?" And man, I have to say, those are GOOD questions. Two real stumpers if you ask me - and well, you did! Let me take a stab at these:

One thing I do is IM with SJ a lot. A few of you know that we've been separated for over a year now. It was really hard at first, but we had to do it to for the kids. We have 8. Angelina and Brad have nothing on us. And by 8 kids, I actually mean breath mints. It's pretty much the same thing. Give or take. Anyhoo, we IM and sometimes we talk on the phone and pretend it's a conference call but it's really not (Far left: SJ on the phone. Chatterbox!). We're just gabbing about our weekend or what we're going to eat for lunch or who looks cuter today (usually me). Other times I shop on-line and sometimes I like to look like I'm reading the paper, but I'm actually resting my eyes. They get SUPER tired sometimes!

Right now things are pretty busy though. SJ and I have been put in charge of a pretty sweet assignment. Not sure who assigned us that project (and together!) but man! I don't want to say they were sleeping at the wheel, but they were sleeping at the wheel, right??? Yeah, so we have a lot of free time on our hand so decided to start up PWS again. It's as simple as that my friends. 1,2,3 = P,W,S.

Now who wants to get me a hot dog? Mama's hungry.
Don't Call it a Comeback (Because let's be honest, we'll probably get bored again and stop writing after 3 posts)

OK, let's see who's paying attention here because just like any good celebrity, or not so good (Gary Busey I'm talking to you), we're on the comeback tour. Let me break it down for you. That means we're going to be bigger (I just ate a slice of pizza AND a panini. OK and some leftover apple turnover things I found in the communal fridge); better (I'm taking lanyard making classes at the Y. Advanced Lanyard Making. Ahem) and my bitches, we're going to be BRINGING IT even harder than before! That's right. The Register has NUTTIN on us! Gawker move the F over. ValleyWag - well no one reads you anways so you don't really count.

So all I can say loyal readers (Sean M. we know you check weekly) is buckle up because baby, we're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccck!